What's the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?

I'm not one for admitting vulnerability, especially in the public sphere... but, here goes nothin'.

I'm scared. Actually, "scared" really doesn't do this state of mind justice. I don't know if there really is a word in existence to suit this. For months, I've been exhausted, anxious, petrified, and listless, all rolled into one fun little package. There is this big, ominous cloud floating over my head, and I'm just staring at it... knowing that quite soon it'll burst and pour down on me.

Money. That's what this all boils down to. Why is it EVERYTHING? As altruistic as one may be, as much as one says it's not of importance... it IS... there's absolutely no denying that fact.

Let's take a look at my position, here.
TRUTH: I've spent the past four years of my life working only a few days a week and filling in the gaps with funding from my student loans, spending a great deal of my time focusing on school. I live at home with my parents, not paying rent or utilities. They pay my car insurance bill. They pay my phone bill. I'm on my father's health insurance plan, which he pays. If I'm going to keep my grades up and succeed scholastically, this is how things have to be. I feel utterly worthless.

What am I going to do two years (or less) from now when the storm comes? How can I possibly survive? How can I even hope to make enough money when it's time to pay for all of these things PLUS a massive student loan payment? So, here I am, just staring at all of this looming over me... terrified. I find no comfort in cliches that I'll "make it because everybody does." Shenanigans. I'm calling shenanigans on that one.

I feel very stuck and frightened, as if I'm living my life balled up in a corner waiting for the fatal blow to be delivered. The world owes me nothing. No money is going to fall from the sky into my lap simply because I'm a good person or I "try my best."

Ahhhhhh....fuck.