Fall is finally upon us.
The air has that crispness to it, a slight bite of chill in the breeze.
The deer are playing in the roads.
[I have almost hit 3 of them with my car.
One was a buck with enormous antlers.]
The leaves are the most vibrant hues of gold, ochre, and brick red,
signifying that they are soon to plummet from the branches to the earth below.
The scent of burning leaves wafts through the air.
This scent is one of my favorite scents.
The city is damp with the fall rains,
but lacking the humidity of Summer.
Therefore, it is pleasurable and I do not mind it at all.
Long sleeves, hot tea, and my porch swing shall dominate for the next week.
Before my hibernation begins, I want to soak up the brevity of this season.
[Pittsburgh has almost no Fall.
We segue straight from Summer to Winter with possibly a week of fall inbetween.]
Contemplation.
The death of the matters of the Summer and Spring.
As the leaves tumble down, the negativity and pain of this year past follows suit,
joining them in the pile at the tree's base.
For the first time, I do believe Winter will not feel quite so cold.
This Winter will signify starting anew.
As the snows fall and blanket the ground, they will whiten my canvas,
blank, and ready for new works to be created upon it.
I am a work in progress.
But for now, the Fall is lovely.
J'adore l'automne.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Raison D'etre
I posed this question via Myspace bulletin:
What is YOUR raison d'etre......your reason for waking up in the morning......what do you live for? What keeps you going through everything?
At some point in the next couple days, I'll post a blog with the answers I receive,
[anonymously, of course] and I'll give you MY raison d'etre.
This concept has been of personal intrigue for a while.
After my break-up this past Spring, I really had to sit down, re-evaluate, and reprioritize.
I began to question when and why I had allowed my reason for living to become dependent upon something to temporal and unhealthy.
Ever since I rediscovered my purpose and my true raison d'etre, I've been a happier person.
With my rejuvenated modus operandi [not in the criminal sense], I've been more focused, determined, successful, generous, and all-around pleasant.
I am hoping that hearing what others live for will be all the more inspiring and motivating.
What is YOUR raison d'etre......your reason for waking up in the morning......what do you live for? What keeps you going through everything?
At some point in the next couple days, I'll post a blog with the answers I receive,
[anonymously, of course] and I'll give you MY raison d'etre.
This concept has been of personal intrigue for a while.
After my break-up this past Spring, I really had to sit down, re-evaluate, and reprioritize.
I began to question when and why I had allowed my reason for living to become dependent upon something to temporal and unhealthy.
Ever since I rediscovered my purpose and my true raison d'etre, I've been a happier person.
With my rejuvenated modus operandi [not in the criminal sense], I've been more focused, determined, successful, generous, and all-around pleasant.
I am hoping that hearing what others live for will be all the more inspiring and motivating.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
"All in all, you're just another brick in the wall..."
I wonder...
How many boundaries are truly in place?
VERSUS
How many boundaries are made manifest by our belief in their existence?
We always think that we're too much or not enough of something.
Or, as said in Zeitgeist [which is incredible and everyone should view at least once], we, as humans, are divided up in so many different ways: gender, race, religion, age, sexual preference, socioeconomic "class," style/"label," intellect, etc etc etc.
We waste so much time creating the very boundaries we are attempting to break through by way of doubt, intolerance, and conformity.
Allow me to provide just a few examples...
[Some touch close to home. Others might touch close to yours.]
1) "I'm not good enough to succeed in this."
2) "She's not intelligent enough for me to waste my time getting to know her."
3) "I'm strongly Christian and he's strongly Jewish...it'll never work."
4) "I don't have enough money to move there, even though I'd really like to."
5) "That promotion is going to go to her instead of me. She has an 'in' with our boss. I won't even bother applying to fill the opening."
6) "I'm not good-looking enough for someone like her."
7) "We're attracted to one another...but the age difference is just too large."
My rebuttals?
1) The only reason you are not succeeding is because you are truly afraid of success, not failure.
2) So, you would pass up on the company of someone who could be a very kind, loving person?
3) Why can't you teach one another, agree to disagree, and just love the other for who they are?
4) If it is what you really want...suffer for it. Be flat broke. Start from the ground up.
5) People often get what they deserve. There is no harm in trying. No race was ever won by sitting it out.
6) Not only are you placing doubt upon your physical appearance, but you're also placing so much doubt in your character and in HER character by automatically assuming she could never love someone for who they are on the inside.
7) Aaliyah once said, "Age ain't nothin' but a number." While I don't often quote hip-hop artists for their wisdom, in this case, it is appros pos. People often don't correspond to their chronological age. It should not be something of vast importance if you clique. [Exception: pedophilia.]
I live in that fairy tale of my own making, and I am quite content.
It's the principle of the 'power of positive thinking.'
"Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to."
FUCK common sense, say I.
"Common sense" is often a moniker that doubt disguises itself under.
It's easier to pass something off as common sense rather than exit one's comfort zone, or put oneself out there in a way that could result in rejection or hurt.
How different would your life be without self-imposed boundaries?
What would life be like if you mentally dissolved all boundaries and held the honest-to-god belief that anything is possible?
How many boundaries are truly in place?
VERSUS
How many boundaries are made manifest by our belief in their existence?
We always think that we're too much or not enough of something.
Or, as said in Zeitgeist [which is incredible and everyone should view at least once], we, as humans, are divided up in so many different ways: gender, race, religion, age, sexual preference, socioeconomic "class," style/"label," intellect, etc etc etc.
We waste so much time creating the very boundaries we are attempting to break through by way of doubt, intolerance, and conformity.
Allow me to provide just a few examples...
[Some touch close to home. Others might touch close to yours.]
1) "I'm not good enough to succeed in this."
2) "She's not intelligent enough for me to waste my time getting to know her."
3) "I'm strongly Christian and he's strongly Jewish...it'll never work."
4) "I don't have enough money to move there, even though I'd really like to."
5) "That promotion is going to go to her instead of me. She has an 'in' with our boss. I won't even bother applying to fill the opening."
6) "I'm not good-looking enough for someone like her."
7) "We're attracted to one another...but the age difference is just too large."
My rebuttals?
1) The only reason you are not succeeding is because you are truly afraid of success, not failure.
2) So, you would pass up on the company of someone who could be a very kind, loving person?
3) Why can't you teach one another, agree to disagree, and just love the other for who they are?
4) If it is what you really want...suffer for it. Be flat broke. Start from the ground up.
5) People often get what they deserve. There is no harm in trying. No race was ever won by sitting it out.
6) Not only are you placing doubt upon your physical appearance, but you're also placing so much doubt in your character and in HER character by automatically assuming she could never love someone for who they are on the inside.
7) Aaliyah once said, "Age ain't nothin' but a number." While I don't often quote hip-hop artists for their wisdom, in this case, it is appros pos. People often don't correspond to their chronological age. It should not be something of vast importance if you clique. [Exception: pedophilia.]
I live in that fairy tale of my own making, and I am quite content.
It's the principle of the 'power of positive thinking.'
"Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to."
FUCK common sense, say I.
"Common sense" is often a moniker that doubt disguises itself under.
It's easier to pass something off as common sense rather than exit one's comfort zone, or put oneself out there in a way that could result in rejection or hurt.
How different would your life be without self-imposed boundaries?
What would life be like if you mentally dissolved all boundaries and held the honest-to-god belief that anything is possible?
Monday, October 8, 2007
"And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing..."
Today was spent at Mingo Creek with Steven.
On the drive,
there was countryside.
and horses.
and ponds with hundred of geese.
and Paul McCartney.
and not a care in the world.
Upon arrival,
there was laying in sunshine.
and splashing in creeks.
and climbing of trees.
and herb.
and taking of photographs.
and not a care in the world.
And now, tonight,
there is vanilla caramel tea.
and candles.
and Bob Dylan.
and cool breeze.
and not a care in the world.
I do believe I have found the recipe for perfection in its simplest form.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Unplug.
Escapism.
Tomorrow, myself and Steven shall be turning our phones off and spending the day in Mingo Creek Park in Washington, PA:
I am dire need of sunshine. and creek water. and grass.
Photographs aplenty shall be taken.
Digital and film.
Digital shall be viewable upon return.
One whole day of no phone, no computer, no television.
Just escape.
Do that.
That's my challenge for today.
Unplug for one day.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
"As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I do believe that one of the most fantastic feelings in the world is as a direct result of proving yourself capable of something that the masses doubted you could do.
Although I believe wholeheartedly that in the near future, I shall be living my photographic 'rock and roll fantasy' [a la Bad Company], my day job while attending art school is waitressing at a popular diner in the South Side of the city. I have been stuck working the 2-10 shift since I began there, and have attempted countless times to work the coveted weekend night shift, even on a trial basis. Every time, I have been told that I would be unable to handle it and that I'm "far too nice" to work that shift. [The diner is open 24 hours, located on a street full of nothing but bars, and on Friday and Saturday nights is packed with droves of drunk people. We even have a bouncer.] However, yesterday, there was a call-off, and they needed one of the '2-10 girls' to pull a double and work the night shift until 4 in the morning. I volunteered myself, as this was my chance to prove them wrong.
[This is all leading somewhere, I promise.]
Before the shift, some of the 'night crew' came in early, making remarks along the lines of "you're going to be miserable" or "you're going to fail." Pre-shift, I was told, "You can't be you; you can't be nice to these people, like you normally are with your tables. You have to be mean."
I ignored it all and decided that I was going to do it and I would be doing it MY way. I was as nice as ever to my tables, and surprise surprise, they were quite receptive. These people are drunk. If you get stressed out and give them the slightest hint of an attitude, of course they are going to reciprocate with twenty times the negativity. But, rather than being a buzzkill, I went with it. I was bubbly. I made my par for the course corny jokes, smiled, and laughed at theirs. I even had a table pull me aside and tell me that I was far too nice for this job and hand me a $20 tip. After the rush, the kitchen manager told me I did a great job [earlier, he had made jokes that he would 'take it easy on me.'], and some of the staff inquired if I would want to work that shift every night.
When questioned as to how much I had made, I lied, claiming somewhere in the neighborhood of $80, which is what the rest of the staff had made. However, truth be told, I made about $120 in less than five hours. The best victories are silent ones.
[I told you this was all leading somewhere...]
Don't let the doubt of others transcend into your own self-perception.
Chances are, you are worth and are capable of far more than most will give you credit for.
Only you know what you are truly capable of.
"As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If others continuously avow that you cannot do something, it should become your personal mission to disprove their statements/thoughts. You are merely 'standing in your own way' if you agree and give up.
Also, do not adapt yourself to conform to what is 'necessary for success.' If you have faith that success can be achieved without altering who you are, it can be. It is all a matter of your own perceptions and beliefs intermingling with your situation. Never lower your expectations of yourself. I was told that I could not be nice, but it was not in my character to behave in that manner, and by refusing to conform to expectations, I succeeded. It is easy to blend in with masses, but much more difficult to achieve success by separating yourself from them.
Of course, after working a double shift and running around for 15 straight hours, I have spent the entirity of the day drifting in and out of sleep, and my body has needed some recuperation time today. However, it was vastly worth it, and I am left with a deep feeling of satisfaction. Even if I am not given the night shift after this, I have proven to all those who doubted that I CAN do it, and THAT is what matters most in all of this. The satisfaction was worth the effort. The 'juice was worth the squeeze.'
I am going to go back to bed.
Stay true to yourself and give 'em hell.
Although I believe wholeheartedly that in the near future, I shall be living my photographic 'rock and roll fantasy' [a la Bad Company], my day job while attending art school is waitressing at a popular diner in the South Side of the city. I have been stuck working the 2-10 shift since I began there, and have attempted countless times to work the coveted weekend night shift, even on a trial basis. Every time, I have been told that I would be unable to handle it and that I'm "far too nice" to work that shift. [The diner is open 24 hours, located on a street full of nothing but bars, and on Friday and Saturday nights is packed with droves of drunk people. We even have a bouncer.] However, yesterday, there was a call-off, and they needed one of the '2-10 girls' to pull a double and work the night shift until 4 in the morning. I volunteered myself, as this was my chance to prove them wrong.
[This is all leading somewhere, I promise.]
Before the shift, some of the 'night crew' came in early, making remarks along the lines of "you're going to be miserable" or "you're going to fail." Pre-shift, I was told, "You can't be you; you can't be nice to these people, like you normally are with your tables. You have to be mean."
I ignored it all and decided that I was going to do it and I would be doing it MY way. I was as nice as ever to my tables, and surprise surprise, they were quite receptive. These people are drunk. If you get stressed out and give them the slightest hint of an attitude, of course they are going to reciprocate with twenty times the negativity. But, rather than being a buzzkill, I went with it. I was bubbly. I made my par for the course corny jokes, smiled, and laughed at theirs. I even had a table pull me aside and tell me that I was far too nice for this job and hand me a $20 tip. After the rush, the kitchen manager told me I did a great job [earlier, he had made jokes that he would 'take it easy on me.'], and some of the staff inquired if I would want to work that shift every night.
When questioned as to how much I had made, I lied, claiming somewhere in the neighborhood of $80, which is what the rest of the staff had made. However, truth be told, I made about $120 in less than five hours. The best victories are silent ones.
[I told you this was all leading somewhere...]
Don't let the doubt of others transcend into your own self-perception.
Chances are, you are worth and are capable of far more than most will give you credit for.
Only you know what you are truly capable of.
"As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If others continuously avow that you cannot do something, it should become your personal mission to disprove their statements/thoughts. You are merely 'standing in your own way' if you agree and give up.
Also, do not adapt yourself to conform to what is 'necessary for success.' If you have faith that success can be achieved without altering who you are, it can be. It is all a matter of your own perceptions and beliefs intermingling with your situation. Never lower your expectations of yourself. I was told that I could not be nice, but it was not in my character to behave in that manner, and by refusing to conform to expectations, I succeeded. It is easy to blend in with masses, but much more difficult to achieve success by separating yourself from them.
Of course, after working a double shift and running around for 15 straight hours, I have spent the entirity of the day drifting in and out of sleep, and my body has needed some recuperation time today. However, it was vastly worth it, and I am left with a deep feeling of satisfaction. Even if I am not given the night shift after this, I have proven to all those who doubted that I CAN do it, and THAT is what matters most in all of this. The satisfaction was worth the effort. The 'juice was worth the squeeze.'
I am going to go back to bed.
Stay true to yourself and give 'em hell.
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