how quaint it is to feel alive&beautiful&vibrant.

how peculiar a sensation, to breathe deeply and with anticipation of the next,
to make attempts to halt blinking, as a bat of an eyelash is a moment missed.

how marvelous a day, with the first sight being that of the sunbeams penetrating the sheerness of my curtains and creating a diffused glow upon my bedsheets.
i awake and trace their patterns with my fingertips.

i feel beauty all around enveloping me, swallowing me up;
beauty and fried rice and freshly ground coffee and mango tea and breezes and frequencies and a neo-coming-of-age and Rocky Votolato and kitsch and hope and incense and creation and such.

i haven't turned on my television in a week.
it's all just lies and alpha waves and flicker fusion and 300,000 dots of phosphorescent light.

i remember when the bugs were writhing beneath your skin,
and you howled and wailed and begged for mercy until sleep came.
but, my eyes had closed long before. i was living with them closed.
they are open now.
widewide open.

I could see myself living in the ocean

with nothing new to say

I've got a grievance with devotion

no matter where I sleep

I could see myself happy in my old age

with no one around to save

and no one above my grave

Every day I spin the globe and think of life somewhere else

This is a necessary evil that I found in myself

I could see myself cursing at the ocean

with nothing new to say

I've got a grievance with commotion

no matter how loud I scream

I could see myself happy in my old age

with no one around to save

There's no one above my grave

Every day I spin the globe and think of life somewhere else

This is a necessary evil that I found in myself

The sound of school bells ringing

makes its way into my head

Even when I find a place that suits me fine

Every day I spin the globe and think of life somewhere else

This is a necessary evil that I found in myself

-Paper Rival-

wind toussling&tossing my hair. Sondre on my stereo [Lerche, Lerche, hard at work-y]. perfumed smell of hundreds of various types of flowers blowing into my nostrils with ferocity. all while i speed down the highway with the setting sun performing a spectacular solar show and brushing my epidermis with a tingling warmth. this is heaven. this is perfection. this is serenity.

there's something about that solitude smile,
the one you only make in moments of inner peace&joy when alone.
it's a smile no one else can see or feel... ever.
it's solely yours until mortality.
and, it's the most pleasurable smile you ever smile.

haiku...

Oh sunshine,
Where the fuck are you?
It is May

When the elevator sputtered, jumped, and stuck,

my first instinct was to look around and decide

who we would consume first

in a Lord of the Flies fashion.

None of them looked appetizing.

I hoped I was too thin to be worth the kill.

Thank goodness it budged a few minutes later.

'Twould have been a difficult decision.

I need to stop getting almost everything I want.
It will ruin me for certain.
La vie has been ever so kind to me of late.
But la vie is a fickle friend, untrustworthy, wishywashy.
Must not fly too close to le sol & melt these wings of mine,
especially when it took so long to fashion them.

Carpe diem. Carpe noctem.
Still puff puffing, but the final page I have yet to reach.
Still sip sipping, but with less frequency and for proper reasoning.
Goodtimes with goodfolks. Have succeeded in positive-vibe-age quest.
[warm.warmer.disco.]
Am personifying tracks 12&13 of your brainchild, sir.

Still waxing philosophical at given opportunities.
Still slightly obscene.
Strange how the mind controls all.
Shoulders-downward is merely there for execution of its will.
[This week of rain should suffice to wash away any of the prior's malcontent.]
Strange how vastly things shift&drift within one year's time.
[My continents are in completely different hemispheres than ere.]

Tonight is for painting [of boxes of this nature],
for grooving [to Subtract the Ursine],
for more introspection,
for planning of plans,
for returning to the scene of the crime, as most murderers do,
[redrum.redrum.redrum.]
for disconnecting the dots.
[Come disconnect the dots with me, poppet.]

Out of tea. Out of time. Out of excuses.
[The first leaves the throat wanting.
The second leaves the body wanting.
The third leaves the ego wanting.]

The only promises that I don't keep are the ones I make to myself.
Now. Now.
Time for beginnings, or:
The smoke will keep impishly swirling,
Messes messy,
Empty pockets,
Below expectations,
And so on and so forth.
The first step is the most diffucult.
Subsequentstepsarecake.

Bad timing continues to reign supreme. Seems as if irony and bad timing are constants. And, oh, the smallness of thingsandplaces. I laughed heartily. I wasn't sure where the hilarity was or what caused the laughs to spring from within, but, oh, they sprung and boingboingboinged in the air. Another constant: the smallness of things amidst infinite largeness, or, the infallible smallness of things when largeness is required. One size does not fit all. [Growshrink before I go mad!]

Yet, am so happy.
Incomprehensible. Inexplicable. Present. Welcomed.
It really IS a choice...[to be happy, that is.]

cesser!

J'adore les cigarettes noir.
J'adore tout les cigarettes.
Non. Non. Non; Cesser!
Quit. Quit. Quit. Easyway.
Bonne chance de moi!


Ink forthcoming. Anxious Arms. Anxious necks&napes.
Extras becoming recurrent characters, reprising roles.
Lightscameraaction. [Don't get us cancelled.]
Success? En temps de temps.
Faltering in some areas, flying high in others.
Hard to focus on the prior when the latter brings such joy.
Chock it up to (in)experience.
I am young. I am vibrant. Watch me glow.


Oh, opposite sex, why do you plague me so?
SamenameX2.
Why must you share a name?
Names are unique identities, sense of self, and so on and so forth.
You share it, yet share no qualities (noticably as of yet).
What to do?; LSF, I suppose.

LSF, indeed.

Glass-Handed Kites in my ears.
Commencing the relaxing. Commencing the breathing.
Let go. Let go. Sometimes, I just must let go.
I am not proficient in the art of letting go.
[Control freak core, my magma is. Pardon it.]

I don't have much time left to soak up this jumble of small-town-meets-big-city; breathe in deeply. Commencing the exuding of good vibes, friendlies, and such. Bask in love. Bathe in it. Scrub with it. Brush my teeth with all this fucking love. Denny's. None of them there; drink much coffee and smoke many cigs.

Seeing the positivity in hard-work-meets-lack-of-control, in Mew and menthol. Ending the seeing of self as own puppet; cut the strings fuckfuckfuck. Move at will. Walk at will. Talk at will. Strut your shit at will.
Regain control by losing it, paradoxical for sure. Certain, for sure.
Learn when to open closed things; i.e. heart&mouth&mind.
Learn when to close opened things; i.e. heart&mouth&mind.
Radio must tune all three into perfect united frequency.
Cease the cacophony in their clashing;
makes the ears ache and the pillow less soft.

I have dues to pay and storms to weather to earn my sunshine.
Must let the clouds do as they will. Can't dismiss the clouds.
They're free-spirited and dance and rainrainrain at will.
[Bring an umbrella.]

I have decided to begin posting the track listings of the mixed CDs I make.
Steal them at will...


ROFL! LOLLERZ! Mix:

1) Tyrants by Black Mountain
2) You're Right by Paper Rival
3) Droppin' by Soft
4) All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem
5) Ready for the Floor by Hot Chip
6) Time to Pretend by MGMT
7) Good Day by Tally Hall
8) Ears Ring by Rainer Maria
9) Without MSG I Am Nothing by Mclusky
10) Pick Up the Boom by Utah!
11) We Do Not Fuck Around by Viva Voce
12) Disconnect the Dots by Of Montreal
13) Feels Good Being Somebody by Dios (Malos)
14) Into Your Head by Foreign Born
15) Imaginary Girl by Silver Seas
16) Now. Now. by St. Vincent
17) Atom by British Sea Power
18) Novel by Tim Williams