After a month or so of singlehood, it would be an understatement to declare myself "jaded."
I have never felt so objectified in my life. It is one concept to be "sought after" and an entirely different one to be sought after purely for aesthetic and physical purposes.
I suppose I never saw this side of the male species before as when I was walking down the street, my hand was placed within the hand of another. I was the "property" of another male. The gesture marked territory. However, it has been some time since the scent of the alpha male has worn off.
Whatever happened to the act of falling in love? A pox upon ye, concept of communication. It seems as if I'm the last of a dying breed. Romanticism is antiquated; temporaryism and instant physical gratification have taken its place in the genetic code.
I have been on a few "dates," which I deem to be spectacular failures. Upon attempts at conversation beneath the comfortable surface of pop culture and "want to hear a funny story?" I was left with a one-sided conversation, receiving grunts or single-syllabic responses. On one such "date," I, God forbid, broached a somewhat-theological topic. That conversation crashed and burned, and soon led to blatant attempts on his behalf to get me to return to his apartment with him that night. I politely excused myself, thanked him for the coffee, and made my exit. [And my apologies to him if he is currently reading this. 'Tis but honesty.]
I feel as if relationships are no longer expected to have any substance to them. I need a partner who can teach me something, who I can have intellectual discussions with [or intellectual debates when our opinions differ]. I need a mate who views me as more than simply that...a mate; where are the men who seek out women of intelligence, substance, and character?
I think I'm going to abstain from a relationship for quite some time...at least until I stumble across someone who I'm positive encompasses all of the aforementioned, which, based on this past month's experiences, I'm assuming could take years. Focusing on and bettering myself has done a world of good. Therefore, I believe that any time spent 'alone' [by societal standards] can only further my growth as a person.
This is the only male I need in my life right now.
2 comments:
Darlin, you've been single for a month. Don't sweat it. One time I went single for almost a year because every moron gal I met was either weirdy dependent or just plain damn ugly.
YOU'RE FINE.
Trust me, Paul, it's the first month of many....my choice to do so.
Right now, the opposite sex would only be a distraction to me reaching my full potential as a (1) person and (2) photographer.
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